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'Sailing blows'

     To the dreamer:   From time to time i get questions about sailing and how much fun it must be to be out there. Don't get me wrong but it is also hard. When times are tough it is nice to look back on funny things and laugh and funny list's like this has a lot of truth in it. This list sendt to me by Paula in Quickmatch a long time ago always makes me laugh.  Enjoy...


How to Simulate a Trip to Sea on Land

  1. Sleep on the shelf in your closet.
  2. Replace the closet door with a curtain.
  3. Four hours after you go to sleep, have your mate whip open the curtain, shine a flashlight in your eyes, and mumble, "Your watch!".
  4. Put a wall across the middle of you bathtub and move the shower head down to chest level.
  5. When taking showers, shut off the water while soaping.
  6. Put lube oil in your humidifier instead of water and set it to high.
  7. If your basement floods, during a sudden thaw, go down and start bailing.
  8. Bring inside some type of gas motor (lawn mower, garden tiller, etc.), start, and leave running while trying to listen to favorite CD, or having an in depth conversation.
  9. If the wind outside is howling, race around the house to make sure all windows and doors are secure (at night, everyone takes a turn on 'watch').
  10. Place all non edible garbage in small plastic bags, and store in other half of tub (edible garbage to be thrown out the window).
  11. Wake up at midnight and have a peanut butter and jelly sandwich on stale bread. Cold canned ravioli or soup, is optional.
  12. Make up your family menu a week ahead of time without looking in the pantry, fridge, or freezer.
  13. Once a month, pick a major appliance, take it completely apart, and put it back together.
  14. Use 18 scoops of coffee per pot, and allow it to sit for 5 to 6 hours before drinking.
  15. Put a fluorescent light under the coffee table, and lay there to read a book.
  16. Every so often, throw the cat in the tub (hot tub, large sink, etc.) and shout, "Man overboard!".
  17. Run into the kitchen and sweep all the pots, pans and dishes off of the counter onto the floor, then yell at the mate for not having the place "stowed for sea".


 Kjell O. Stave






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